What Have You Done Today, Dear?

I am SO over Daryl Dixon!  Please, stop putting pictures on fb and for the love of all that is, WHY does his picture often show up in the "food and drink" column of Pinterest?  Unless......Zombies run Pinterest - in which case, it makes perfect sense.  And another thing - Daryl, sweetheart, TAKE A BATH!  There are zombies that look clearner than you!

Pinterest is like crack.  I always think I'm just going to log on for a second and check on new recipes.  REALLY?  Are there REALLY any NEW recipes?  And, why are all the entrees covered in cheese?  Or made with cream or milk...or cream AND milk covered in cheese.....with cream cheese smeared on the top?  When did a simple apple pie turn into an Oreo encrusted, salty caramaled, fudge sauced, monstrosity?  You know, before Pinterest, you could even pretend without too much effort that apple pie was good for you cuz, like, there were apples in it.  Now it takes more imagination than even I have to see my way through the gloppy mess in a pie plate.

But I digress.  I'm always "just going to check for a second."  Three hours later I look up and see that the sun has set on another day while I have "liked and "pinned" my way through the entire Pinterest palette.  I really hate those days, especially when my husband comes home and asks what I've been up to.  I lie a lot.

I've discovered a couple of things about myself recently - well, not so much discovered as admitted to.  I waste a LOT of time.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing inherently bad about spending time in a little ophaloskepsis (big word for the day - go look it up), but when you notice, like I have, that more and more of your time is spent doing god-knows-what, and at the end of your day you have nothing, not an idea, not a piece of writing, not even a gloppy pseudo-apple pie to show for it, it might be time to evaluate exactly what you are trying to avoid.  In my case, it was writing.

I do not think of myself as a writer.  The world has far, far, far, too many people in it who think every pearl that goes from their brain to paper is of incredible importance.  My family has some of those people.  YAWN!    I certainly don't think I'm funny or witty.  Nor do I think I have anything unique to share.  But, I've always wanted to try it so here I am and here you are and that's how we all came to be together.

So, to recap:  Daryl, take a bath.  Daryl, NOT a food item, Pinterest-bad, some ophaloskepsis good, do what you've been avoiding.

Be good to yourselves,
B

Yes, She CAN Be Taught!

Horray!

You can all find me now!  My friend, Star,  fixed my computer glitch - which was, as usual, operator error.  (That would be me.)   

So, today's big question.  When do you know when to leave "well enough" alone?  Let me rephrase.  How old do you have to be before you can look around you and say, "yes, this is good" and be happy with that assessment?  Maybe the question should be if we should EVER get to the point when we accept "good".  Should we leave that yarn unwound - enjoy the fact that it's just a hank of woven wool?  Or do we feel the need to "fix" it, make it "better", by winding it into something neat and tight and controlled?   Is this even a "how old do you have to be" question?  Maybe it's a "when do we get wise enough" question.  I wonder if, at some point, I received some sort of "enough" message and now it's the best I think I can do/be?  Ya' know?  At what point to we say "this may be good enough for you but "I" need it to be better for me."  The downside of that, though, is you really have to have the courage to stick to your guns - risking that whatever you are trying to fix, i.e., marriage, friendship, parental relationships....really any kind of human interaction you can think of, may have to end or if not end, may change in ways you don't fully expect.  How do we know how tightly to wind that yarn?   Think on these things my thought-y friends and let me know what you come up with!

In other news - I spoke with my maid who was a bit taken aback but, when confronted with the proof of her half-assedness, is willing to clean to my standards from now on.  And, I didn't even say "OR ELSE."  (I was trying to be a big person).   My spine is still weak and wobbly - didn't have the conversation with my friend and haven't called my yoga instructor yet.........but I will.  Promise.

And now, off to eat lunch and go about the usual stuff of life. 

Be good to yourselves!
B

 

It's been a long, long time.

I've been silent (at least on paper) for quite awhile now.  I've been encouraged by friends to continue so here I am...although this blog may be much less chatty, picture filled, and mild mannered.

I've just finished cleaning my kitchen.  I have a maid.  Those two statements seem incongruous.  If you have a maid, you might ask, then why are you cleaning?  Let's face it ladies.  Maids here in Incredible India have us by the short hairs.  I'm convinced they think western women are completely incapable of cleaning their own homes, so, they can do as crappy and half-assed job as they want, charge (in some cases) exorbitant amounts of money, and do shit.  I know maids who spend 8 hours EVERY DAY cleaning the same apartment.  Seriously?  What in the hell do you DO for 8 hours???  Especially when there are two people living in the apartment?????    You aren't actually "cleaning."  You've elevated "looking busy for 8 hours" an artform!

My maid was hired at a salary for more than most of her counterparts.  Within these negotiations was the understanding that she would iron and clean windows.  I made the mistake of giving her 500 rupees more one day when there was a ton of ironing.  Now, she expects it.  She recently hit me up for 500 more rupees if she does windows.  And I agreed.  Because I AM A SPINELESS WIMP WHO CAN'T STAND UP FOR MYSELF TO ANYONE.   Yesterday she was an hour late - no explanation.  AND I SAID NOTHING.  (see spineless wimp comment). 

Sadly for her - I have decided to make some profound changes in my life.  Ok, profound may be a stretch.  I have been in India for a bit over a year.  I have had intestinal parasites 3, YES THREE, times.  I am tired, people.  Freakin, F**kin, tired of being sick.  I recently went on a trip with a visiting friend.  We ate the same things, even sharing food and drink, for 4 days.  She is fine and enjoying the beach in Goa.  I am sitting in a chair afraid to fart.  This does not make me happy.  Talking with my dear, sweet friend, Sharon, I realized my life is totally out of kilter.  I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually depleted.  I am drained completely dry.  Sometimes I have to get like that before I pay attention.  My body is craving nutritious vegetables (washed ONLY BY ME), and fruits (see previous comment).  I have a wonderful juicer sitting unused (and undusted thanks to the ace cleaning skills of my maid).  I have no spiritual life because I have sold my soul to be part of an organization that I don't even care about but that does prevent me from meeting with my amazing, wonderful, wise, and good yoga instructor.  I am giving nothing back to my community.

How does this impact my maid at all?  I am reclaiming Warrior Beth.  I am taking charge of me.  I am going to feel good enough about myself to feel like I deserve lotion on my body (yes, please don't tell me how pathetic that is because I know).  I am going to tell my friend that I just am not able to be part of her organization.  I value and love our friendship - I hope it continues through this.  I am going to start meditating.  I did.  This morning.  It was painful.  My mind went on full-tilt '"HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO".  But I did it.  For 5 minutes.  The way I see it, if I keep it up I may be up to an hour in 50 years.  But I will be meditating.  I am telling my maid that "X" is her salary.  No more, no less.  If I choose to reward her with a bit more, than I will but don't count on it.  I am going to hold her to her agreement AND I am going to tell her that if her cleaning doesn't improve, she need not come back.  I don't want to clean my own apartment, but I will.  I am calling my yoga teacher today.

I know I'm not the only woman who feels out-of-whack.  Out of control.  Like life is a snowball rolling down the hill and we just stand there and let it hit us.  What kind of an idiot doesn't at least try to move out of the way?  The kind of idiot who feels like she deserves to be hit in the face, that's what kind.  I don't want to be that kind of idiot any more.  I'm sure I will find 100 different ways to be an idiot - but I won't be that kind again. 

I am only letting a selected few know about this new blog.  Sharon, Anita, Meredith, Megan, Star, Erica, Shani.  Ladies - you are my nearest and dearest.  You all encourage me every day.  Be good to yourselves today!

B